Thursday, July 7, 2011

Michael Crook: Not That Clever


Dear Mr. Crook,


I do not believe in vengeance.


On the contrary, I find it to be a sad outburst of frustration and anger from a weak man's own misery. Therefore, I do not plan to seek revenge upon you through this post. I do not wish to curse you for the foolish and childish things you have said about my cousin. I do not desire to taint my own elegance and poise by lowering myself to fight you on the subject (though I'd probably win).


No. If I were to do so, I would do nothing but destroy my own credibility and further hinder yours. And if you have any type of journalistic integrity, which I secretly pray you do, then you would know that credibility and respect from both your peers and your readers is essential to creating a well-praised and worthy piece of writing. I have no desire to do such a thing. If you wish to destroy yours, however, that is between you and your pen.

So Mr. Crook, as a fellow blogger, I would like to offer you a few pieces of advice to better your own understanding of the ethical and moral boundaries of the blogosphere. Despite my own hurtful feelings towards your specific post about my cousin, I must say that I am a little disappointed in your professional writing and blogging etiquette in order to express your opinions on the matter. In fact, I am a little curious to inquire whether or not you have had any professional education at all? I mean, I am in no position to boast about my own writing--I am nothing but a student apprenticing my way through life, the blogsophere, and the written word. However, your specific diction and lack of sympathy has sparked my curiosity about your upbringing.

So, to help you with your future blog posts and perhaps to boost your future popularity, please allow me to provide you with some tips to help you become a more likable character and a more creative writer.


First, I must say that your carefully chosen word choices show very little understanding of the English language. Your diction is not well-suited to one that has mastered English. No. Sadly, it seems to be a poor attempt to enhance your writing voice with the use of flowery and big words, in order to sound credible. You chose words such as "stupid," awkward," and "punk," to describe your feelings and reaction to this specific situation. And so, here is my first tip: some words naturally have a negative connotation--avoid using them unless you want to annoy, discourage and agitate your reader.


Now, if you purposely chose those words for their negative connotation, I must say that I am a little disappointed that those were the choices you settled upon. I'm sure with proper guidance you can learn to enhance your vocabulary in a mature manner that will best give you the ability to express how you feel. I'll pray that that wisdom will shed upon you somehow.


Which brings me to my next tip: avoid cliches and be creative. Fail to do so and it exposes the weakness in your writing. Good writing, good blog writing is about finding interesting and unorthodox analogies and metaphors that entice your readers. Don't try to feed them something they've already had before. Remember what I said about enhancing your vocabulary? It's a necessity for every writer, including myself. That alone can help you avoid cliches and unoriginal analogies that you so often use.


Now, if you have ever studied psychology (which I doubt you have), people such as yourself, who seek negative outlets to express their own "opinions," usually do so because their deepest insecurities push them to seek attention. Cliche alert: ever heard of the saying, "all press is good press," including the poor, bad and ugly? Well, when someone's absurd behavior is driven by their inner-most insecurities, they tend to lash out in the oddest and most immature fashions. In fact, that's why children often seek attention by being "bad." Mr. Crook, in no way did I call you a child, but I'll just use your words instead: kids don't usually act out too much, "except maybe for good ol' boys, if you catch my drift."


So, here's a tip: if you would like to feed your own insecurities, by all means continue to pursue vain and cynical writing pursuits. If, however, you would like to better yourself, perhaps it's time to discover the reasons as to why you are the way you are, and why you write the things you do...?


As I said, I am not here to attack you in any malicious way. You have every right to voice your opinion, and I support people doing so with every "breath" of my heart. Keep in mind, however, that there may be someone out there with a much stronger and louder voice than you do. And so, with every "breath" of my heart, I do intend to shout a little to make sure that you can hear me through cyberspace, wherever you and your computer seem to hide. Please forgive me, however, if you hear a little ringing in your ears--my voice tends to do that to people sometimes. Trust me when I say, time will help the ringing stop.


But with any blog or any piece of writing, you will never hear just one voice. No, no. Be prepared to hear many. In case you haven't noticed (which I doubt you have considering your poor investigative techniques), my cousin has a new Facebook fan page entitled, "Rest in Peace Joe Meram" with over 2,200 likes in only 48 hours. With all professional journalistic integrity, I discovered that you have a Facebook fan page entitled, "I hate Michael Crook" with 2,200 likes over a period of God knows how long. Huh. Interesting, to say the least. Perhaps we should go back to our psychological discussion about attention-seeking? But alas, I'll resist.


You see, no one really likes a crook--that's why most end up dying alone in jail cells, not to say that you are one, Mr. Crook. But, there's no easy way to say this: crooks just usually are "not that bright" (your words, not mine).


But, unlike you, I would never judge another human being or their intentions. Though you have seemed to harshly judge my cousin by "arrogantly ignoring common sense" (once again: your words, not mine), I will not do the same for you.


In fact, I encourage no one to do that towards you. Though your words stabbed through my very soul, I only wish you the best and choose to ignore your twisted cries for help by giving you wrongful attention. I ask everyone to refrain giving you that attention, because feeding a passion only makes it burn stronger. That is why I write to help you as you drown in your own misery by offering you advice. I can only hope you take it. I do, Mr. Crook, only wish the best for you.



And so, I leave with you this. I would love one day to stumble upon a fan page that says "I love Michael Crook." However, I can't see that happening in the near future unless you can abide by this last tip: re-read before you post. That's where there's editors in this world. Hey, we all make mistakes, that's why there's erasers on pencils--and so, I'll forgive you for your bitter rant towards a perfect stranger. Just remember, even Charles Dickens made Scrooge remorseful for the things he said and did...it just took him the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come to realize that remorse.


Consider me your ghost, Mr. Scrooge, I mean, Mr. Crook. Consider me your Ghost of Blogging Yet to Come.


With much love and many prayers for your improvement in writing,
Joe Meram's Proud Cousin,

Miss Meram




I ask, Mr. Crook, and others reading this post, that you respect the privacy and sorrow that has filled Joe's family and friends. He will always be loved, cherished and remembered as a smiling young man who lived life with passion.

Please pray for Joe, for all those that his death has affected, for Mr. Crook and other harsh critics, and for all souls in Purgatory.



Hail Mary, full of Grace...

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Nice Try

Well, my self-control to abide by my promise to swear off writing in this blog could not constrain my temptations. I guess it was a "nice try," a nice pathetic attempt to suffice old feelings of a harsh reality that I created for myself.

I never thought my own doubts, troubles, and fears would cause a commotion in the dark forest I was trying to walk alone in. I never thought my footsteps alone would awaken the creatures in the dark, ready to block my path and force me to retreat and re-read the warning signs.

Embarrassment, stupidity, anger, and resentment are making me re-trace my steps and walk backwards to the fork in the road, to see once and for all, where the truth really lies. And if the forest's loving creatures block my way to keep me from walking into the darkness, perhaps I'll walk out into to the sunlight for them, and over time, "for them" will be for me. God's loving creatures deserve to be admired in all their beauty and glory, glimmering within the sunlight.

And if, for whatever reason, the sun starts to blind me and the dark shades of the forest entice me, I'll still remain in the sun for them, so that they can experience life in all it's greatness. I'll just wear sunglasses.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Take a Deep Breath, Take a Step Back, and Take a Moment to Realize What You've Forgotten

It seems much too long since I've written a new post--not out of laziness, lack of priorities, or pure animosity, but rather from the absence of inspiration and passion to write something beautiful.

I ask you, my dear friends, why must this always happen? Is it something I'm consistently doing wrong that kills my muse and destroys my love of "art?" Is it something I'm unconsciously doing to mask my insecurities in a hopeless and meaningless way? I just don't seem to understand why I continuously find myself in this situation--angry with both God and myself, discouraged from life, and swearing off my pen and its gift.

Sometimes, inspiration to write is hard to find. But I've learned over the years that the more you try to be inspired, the more you start digging a grave to kill your own writing. Nevertheless, I always seem to end up being my very own crypt-keeper; apparently, I never learn from my past mistakes. The revelation that the villain is truly myself, however, comes only after a graphic battle to unmask my true identity and discover who I am. And by the end of this gruesome fight, I realize that my love lays dying on the floor ready to be buried, and my excitement for life is no where to be found for it fled from war.

And so, after four tiresome, yet rewarding days on an "Emmaus-ing" journey, I've come to the realization that I'm not happy with myself--I'm not proud of where I've been, I'm not pleased with where I'm going, and I'm disappointed with the person I've become. Yet, the zeal to better myself, to improve my situations, to strengthen my relationship with both God and my family, seem to be nonexistent. In fact, the more I seem to examine myself, the more I realize there's not much to really examine. Not because the soul isn't something worth examining; on the contrary, it's by far the most intricately beautiful piece of art that God could ever create. But, my soul and my conscience seems to be falling deeper into a black abyss, and sadly, because of the lies I've been told and the truths I've refused to believe, it continues to fall without the will to bring it back up.

So, it really is time to take a deep breath, take a step back, and take a moment to remember what I've already forgotten. Because there's one truth and one reality...the rest is just a lie. And until I can figure out for myself whether we live in a fantasy world or we live within the truth, my heart will continue to skip a beat. And since my pen, this blog, and my writing lives to be the "breath" of my very heart, I guess it's time to discover what's making my heart lose its breath, and therefore, skip a beat.

And so, my friends, I think it's time to take a step back--not just from this blog, but from many things in my life. Perhaps it's time to set out on my own into the woods and see how far I can fight the darkness on my own. Perhaps it's time to live or die, sink or swim, and see how far life can take me without my safety nets always by my side. After all, what's the point of living if you never step out into the dangers of the wilderness to discover the hidden beauties that lie within the darkness?

I'm not quite sure what this all means--I'm not quite sure where I go from here, or if I'm even making sense to anyone, including myself. I'm not confident that I'm making the right decision, at all, but I need to try. I need to do this, for myself and myself alone, without any of the lies drowning out my ability to discover the truth.

So, here's to truth, the real truth. Here's to discovering what it is and where it hides, and why, for some strange reason, I've never been able to taste it. Let's hope the truth guides me to where I need to go, and if I get lost, gives me the courage to come back home. Here's to the "breath" of my heart, or lack thereof....just for now.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Smothered, Smashed, "Smuel-ed"

Beware the beady eyes that follow at night,
Through every dark corner as you slowly tread.
For they will haunt you for eternal length's flight,
And make your mind flee from horror and distress.

Run, I tell you, flee with haste!
When the monster wakes with a forceful gaze
And finds his prey to hunt and chase,
He'll hunger for you and track for days.
'Til innocence is no longer found
And the monster consumes your very soul
Your cries will become the only sound
Of sorrow and death--a story to be told.

Run, I tell you, flee with haste!
I see him rising from deep slumber,
Awakening and quickening his pace,
With a sudden liking and earthly wonder.
Heed my warning: danger ahead!
Be prepared to fight and win,
For his beastly cry will make you dead
And bring your remains to his kin.

Run, I tell you, flee with haste
Though you're safely kept inside your home,
Now his gaze has found my face
And your safety has kept me alone.
Now I must fend for myself
And swiftly run with nowhere to hide.
Hear my painful cries for assistance and help,
As I scurry along with my sobbing cries.

Now I must beware the eyes that haunt me at night,
Through every dark corner as I slowly tread
For they will haunt me for eternal length's flight
And make my mind flee from horror and distress.

My "Bad" Friend

My darling, my love, my dearest friend:
I write these lines 'bout your bitter rant,
Which your God only knows and understands.
Though Conscience tells me to stop and pray,
For enlightened mind; though they're silly words.
While mouths speak once, the heart will say
The passion and tenderness for which you yearn.
And though I too am foolish and cease
To speak of struggles driven by madness,
I bite my tongue so that you may find peace
And speak only words to change your heart of sadness.
I write, though pained, for you asked me to
And so, my heart writes this as I take a poo.




Disclaimer: The last line of this poem was written by my friend, for my friend, strictly as a joke. Please do not doubt my writing capabilities and professionalism because of the silly, though hilarious ending.